It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
