Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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