I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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