The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
