Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
