Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
