It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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