Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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