just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
