U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
