...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize