You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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