FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
