I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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