My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
