Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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