he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
