sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
