theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
