How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
