i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
