Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
