why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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