I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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