so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
