Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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