Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
