Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
