I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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