my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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