Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
