you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
