i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
