About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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