Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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