I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
