I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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