He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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