bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize