You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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