To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
