Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
