So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
