you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
