do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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