I could make wine with my vomit
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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