Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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