Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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