she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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