I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
