Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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