I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
