I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
