We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
