there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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