hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
