So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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