dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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