Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
