you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
