Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
