What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
