Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
