Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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