I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
