i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
