My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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