when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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