Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
