Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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