I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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