Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
