Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
