Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
