So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We got so high we made milksteak
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
