i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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