you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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