i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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