Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
