Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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